Live for the Next Step
"Life is preparation. What does that mean? Live! And you will find out." -Barbara Body
In Brooklyn I simply existed. I stopped living due to stress, lack of money and other ‘ish. Often the stress comes when we allow Joneses to define our lives by what we have or don’t have materially. I’ve realized that life is so much more than that. I’m free since I don’t care about what those Joneses think about me. Those Joneses will always have ish to say. It’s not about them. It’s about how I feel about myself.
The work begins with me. There are not any quick fixes when you want to do something great. It’s about waking up early to do my Insanity workout and running 3 miles a day to get a better body. It’s about doing a honest self-analysis to strengthen your weaknesses. So if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready especially when opportunity presents itself. Preparation is key for the life you want to live. Preparation meets opportunity is what we consider luck. We cannot take advantage of that opportunity unless we are prepared.
Every successful person dreamed, prepared and executed. Preparation is not about perfection. There will be setbacks, which are really lessons for a greater purpose. Success comes when you don’t allow those setbacks to sidetrack, and you persevere despite the distractions and challenges that you’ll encounter. No, it’s not easy to be great. If it were, everyone would do it.
I’ve given up on my dreams, but I’ve realized that I keep coming back to it. I hate being uncomfortable, but you have to sacrifice to get to achieve my goals. It’s my passion. It’s time for me to become friends with sacrifice and not allow it to deter me. To be uncomfortable is only temporary, but to be disappointed in your life can last a lifetime.
These disappointments are regrets that I cannot continuously do any longer. Looking at successful people it’s not that they are more talented or intelligent than me not in the least. They believe they should have the world. The Universe is mine for the taking. Starting with living each day like it’s my last with honesty, passion and consistency. I belong to this world, for it is as much mine as the next person. I don’t have to bow to anyone, for everyone even the most beautiful and the richest has her/his insecurities.
Insecurities are a bitch! We all have them. Oprah Winfrey, yes! Warren Buffett, yes. Barack Obama, yes! Shawn Carter, yes! Bill Gates, yes. The difference between the successful and ‘dreamers’ is the successful does not allow their insecurities stand in her/his way to achieve their goals. We can use our energies to be envious of others or we can try to get our own. It’s our choice. It’s my choice. I choose me.
I respect all of the aforementioned successful people, but I have no idea what they have sacrificed for that success. I’ve realized that my journey is not theirs. My journey is unique to Anisa Kenyatta Parks, and it’s just for me. I haven’t tapped into my talents and gifts as I should. It’s time to do make the most of my talents and my life in general. It’s time to pray and meditate as I develop my new plan. I will keep this new plan close to me, for only a few will know. Now you know my next step, and I’m about to enjoy this part of the journey.
Living By Default
My pursuit of happiness continues, for my eyes opened to a new day. One thing I’ve learned in the recent past is happiness comes from within. I’m learning about myself everyday. I look in the mirror and sometimes it’s painful, for some stuff I don’t like about myself. As I stated last night in a conversation with a friend, I have two options: change what I don’t like or stay as is. Either way I should shut up about it. My pursuit of happiness is about action, just doing it. Sometimes we falter, but we can learn from those mistakes and move on. To be stagnant is death, a slow death in a mundane life. I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t born to live a mundane existence. If that’s the case I have been a rock. I was given life full of choices. It’s time for me to use them.
Some scientists argue about what makes humans different from other living things. Some say that the main difference is humans have a soul. That may be true, but I would say that we have choices. We get second chances every day. We can right a wrong with a phone call. We can admit our mistakes and choose another way. We can live a different life if we want. If we are overweight, we can make the conscious choice of eating better and exercising. If we are stagnant at a job, we can decide to look for other options such as going back to school or applying to other jobs. As humans we have choices. I have to remember that and make them. When I do not like something about my life, it’s up to me to choose to change it. I have to stop living by default. That’s not living. It’s time to live and not just exist.
When all of them can work together effortlessly, you are truly living your purpose.
Eroticism For Two
We are drawn to eroticism
But its Western definitions
Bordering on porn
We are sworn to secrecy
Because we cannot feel
Like that. Sex is cheapened
Concealing the pure pleasure
Between two. We delve into
The blending of bodies without
Thinking of souls combining
Too busy trying to get in the drawers
We’re fucking, sexing just cause
We can. No emotion. Just numb
To passion. Only immediate
Gratification stirs our lips to talk
Our bodies to grind, our feet keep
Walking after our rendezvous. Not a
Single kiss to reminisce about
That night. And that becomes
A faded memory. It was a dream.
More like a nightmare
If it compares to nothing
The erotic is a measure between
The beginnings of our sense of self
And the chaos of our strongest feelings
When you know yourself
You can ask for what you want
Without fear. Let’s be clear about it.
It’s the act of being comfortable
With your desires and passions
To get true satisfaction from another.
It’s give and take. Openness and trust.
It is about us. It’s about not what we do,
For it’s often misconstrued
In becoming something downright foul
What’s deplorable about how
Two can act out on their feelings
There’s no ceiling in how far this can go
We can continue to show our passion
Joy is conceived, fear is lessened
When two souls blend.
Eroticism allows us to live in
Ecstacy, an out of body experience
Commence as I lick your body
Bite your neck and making your
Body real tense. You explode
Releasing the everyday stress.
Eroticism is not just sex
But the pure joy, happiness
You feel between the two.
I’m feeling pretty erotic.
How about you?
Rediscovering Me, Rediscovering New Orleans
In August I left New Orleans to find something better. What I found was myself in the process. I often blamed New Orleans for my ineptitude. “I am a big fish in a small pond” was what I told myself without proving to myself how great I was. I just thought if I had a change in scenery that it would be better.
It wasn’t because I hadn’t changed my attitude about my abilities and myself. Yes, I knew I am intelligent, wonderful and all of that, but I wasn’t at peace. I hadn’t let go of my past hurt. I hadn’t forgiven myself for my past mistakes. I was at this point because I hadn’t truly believed in myself. I was everyone else’s cheerleader except my own. If New York didn’t teach me anything else, it taught me that true meaning of Billie Holiday’s God Bless the Child. The best cheerleader in my corner has to be me.
I’d been running not away from New Orleans but myself. I am so New Orleans, and that is a good thing. When I stepped off that plane in New Orleans, I knew I was not going back. I was home. I’d met some wonderful, amazingly creative people while I was in New York. I’d made some great contacts as well, but something was missing. And that were my faith and confidence in myself. There were many days and nights of tears, anger and resentment. I had to look in the mirror. I couldn’t continue to avoid the pain. I had to address it. I had to do the work. No one else could.
So I apologized to New Orleans for the accusations. It was not her fault for my refusal to believe in myself. She taught me to live life and not take a moment for granted (actually Katrina taught me that), but I lost myself in what others would thought. I refuse to do that anymore. After careful self-analysis what I said and what I thought were on two different sides of the spectrum thus making me a hypocrite. Yes, I am a hypocrite. Yes, I have to be honest with myself, for it’s the only way I can become the person I know I can be.
So back to New Orleans let me tell you how I feel about you especially in this moment. You allowed me to breathe. You are the beautiful days of spring at CC’s. You are the Saturday at the lake for a crawfish boil and great company. You are me. I am you. I’m so New Orleans.
There’s no place like New Orleans in the world. It’s her quaintness. It’s the feeling that everyone knows everyone that makes HER wonderful. I am celebrating HER uniqueness. Some say it’s a little slow in New Orleans, but who cares? In New Orleans we experience life and take it all in. Everyday we celebrate life even in death we do hence a ‘second line’ after a funeral.
So why would I run away from that? I know why. Again, New Orleans, it wasn’t you. It was all me. I was running away from myself. I was running away from responsibility and accountability. I’m back. By being very honest with myself I am making the necessary changes to create the life I want. It’s on me. The time is now here in New Orleans.